What is this website?

This website is designed to help LDS singles achieve greater fulfillment by providing helpful advice and links to great resources on how to prepare for healthy relationships, make the most of life when we're not in a relationship, and how to make difficult relationship and marriage decisions. If you have any feedback please leave a comment and Good Luck!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Response #28

As far as meeting people, I'd say:

1) Pass less judgment on people (not trying to figure out from the beginning whether they would be a suitable marriage partner but rather trying to appreciate them for who they are). That doesn't mean trying to trick yourself into liking them. It means focusing on them as people rather than a list of qualities.
2) Try to develop I-Thou relationships rather than I-It relationships. Related to the previous point. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_and_Thou.
3) Go on lots of small dates. They're easier to plan, have fewer implications, are cheaper, and are easier to end positively. You can always extend them if they are going well.

As far as getting married:

1) Look for people you love being around and love talking to. Incompatibilities in personality, values, political views, backgrounds, interests, etc. can be overcome. If the person doesn't look quite how you wish they did, that can also be overcome (you can develop "physical chemistry" with them at the right time). But it is much harder to be happy if you don't love being around the person.
2) Don't kiss someone unless you feel deep and genuine affection for them and unless you think the relationship is progressing well.
3) Don't worry about others' expectations for you. If you are doing your best and living right, follow your heart (and mind).

There's a ton of advice out there. I believe that if any individual focused on a few key bits of advice and repeatedly worked on following that advice, they would do much better than reading a bunch of advice and making a general attempt to follow it. Somehow our brains work that way.
Hope that helps,

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