Response #16

Jonny,

This is a great question. Also a great topic. I have no doubt you will do an excellent job with this. I'm kind of sleep deprived right now from staying up late but I'll give it my best shot.

OK, here goes.

Re: Topic #1.

Advice to everyone:

- I don't know if there's a particular place or strategy that works best to meet people. I do believe that you can take the initiative to meet more people. Be willing to get a little outside of your comfort zone. Work on your confidence... practice, practice... when you've got your game on, there are always opportunities to meet people.

- Don't confuse the end with the beginning. For most people most of the time, you won't know up front where things will lead. That's OK. Learn to be OK with that. Don't try to figure things out all up front. Instead, enjoy being with the person, and then try to slowly move things forward.

Here's my advice to guys:

- Make a decision that you won't allow yourself to develop any sort of meaningful interest in a girl unless you are willing to ask her out. Pining away after a girl you're too afraid to ask out is a complete waste of time. Yes, we've all done it. But we need to admit that it leads nowhere.

- Once you know you like a girl, be willing to take some reasonable, sane risks. Start small and work up. The first risk might be chatting it up at a party. The next might be adding her as a friend on Facebook. Then asking her on a real date. Then another. Then holding her hand. Etc. As long as you see some real potential, as long as she's the kind of girl you could see yourself marrying, keep moving things along, step by step... just keep moving things forward and see what happens.

Advice to girls:

- Don't get hung up on the idea that the guys have all the power in dating. It's not true. Maybe they have 55% of the power, and girls have 45%, because guys generally initiate things, but the idea that it's a 90-10 split is ridiculous. It's also a dis-empowering belief. Confidence and kindness are magnetic in both guys and girls.


Re: Topic #2.

Hmmmmmm.... For me it was all about facing my fears. Once I found someone I really loved, someone where I saw real potential I still had all kinds of crazy and irrational fears that were holding me back. I had to face them directly, I had to deal with them, I had to talk through them. They didn't just magically disappear. I found calm only after I directly experienced my fears. Avoiding them, denying them, hiding from them, etc. wasn't working anymore.


Best of luck with your presentation!

Let's catch up soon...