Response #14

Hi Jonny,

Hope you're doing well!!!! I loved the questions and am excited to add my input! Here's my answers:

1. Top places to meet people: Institute classes (particularly the Sandy class -- I got several dates and a boyfriend out of that class); summer ward prayer (had most of my dates, long-term male friendships, and a couple of short-term boyfriends from those ward prayers); combined big FHE's or house parties in the ward (usually on week nights); the swimming pool/hot tub (met the [name redacted] twins who I dated and flirted with for 5 years, along with many of their friends); and occasional ward-hopping -- I met [husband] after my first sacrament meeting at his ward. As I have looked back, I had no real dating success from the high-society parties. Friday and Saturday nights rarely led to any boyfriends, unless I had met them at one of the above locations previously. I would say one of the biggest keys is to make sure people have 2 to 3 romantic interests and to really get connected to some very social friends of the opposite sex who can link them in to all of their friends (like the twins I met at the hot tub). Also, it's important to have some friends of the opposite sex who flatter you and make you feel desired and pretty, so you give off a "wanted" vibe, even if you have NO interest in those friends and are not attracted to them.

2. How to get married: 1) MAKE COMMITMENTS!!!! Get engaged. Go in on a house together. Do not fall into the BBD trap (the bigger, better deal). The kind of people you are currently going out with are probably all that you are going to get. So pick a nice one and get married. It was my experience that the options do not get any better, and generally, they start to get a little worse as the years go by (probably more true for girls). 2) DO NOT GIVE IN TO FEAR!!!! Stick to the feelings that you felt at the beginning of your relationship with the person when you were so excited, giddy, and crazy about them. One of the best things that happened to me was a stake president who sat me down when [husband] and I were starting to falter and wondering if we should go through with our engagement. He gave me the best lecture of my life about avoiding perfectionism and the dangers of holding out for some unrealistic ideal. He told me that every marriage and relationship looks different, and it doesn't have to look like someone else's that seems ideal. 3) BELIEVE IN CHANGE AND COMPROMISE. I was ALWAYS over-analyizing [husband's] flaws (along with every other man I ever dated), and would you believe it? -- I found them all lacking in lot's of areas! It has been amazing how the areas I worried about have turned out to be not much at all or completely irrelevant, or not even issues in any way. It's pretty simple, as I show love to Adam, he returns it to me and tries to make me happy. I was very struck by the words of my sister's mission president's wife. Someone once asked the mission president's wife where on Earth she got such an amazing husband. Her response: "He wasn't like this when I found him." People change and grow and become better, especially with a great spouse.


Basically, it boils down to this: If you find someone you are attracted to, with righteous desires and an ounce of humility, marry them (even if they have not been perfect in every aspect of their lives) -- and do it quickly before you talk yourself out of it! Like everything else that is wonderful in life, we have to CHOOSE it. It will not just happen if we sit passively and anxiously on the sidelines. Similar to Eve in the Garden of Eden, no one will just put the fruit in our mouths. We have to make a choice and do something. I have a really strong testimony that the Lord blesses us when we do the best we can and we ACT.


Anyway, that's my sermon. Hope you're doing well. Just let me know if you need me to speak somewhere -- I love getting on my pedestal.

:)