Response #19

Editor's note: this is from a high school friend of mine, not a ward member:

Jon,

Although I'm not sure I meet the 2-3 year criteria. It's now been 12 years, but since I got the e-mail I figured I'd respond. Perhaps I can provide some thoughts with some perspective. BTW - no need to keep mine confidential. No one will know me, and I'm glad to field any complaints or comments, as I by no means consider myself an expert in the field of getting married I've only gotten it to work once. But in full disclosure, I must say that it has been the best decision I've ever made (with all the others like MP, mission, etc. leading up to and enabling this one).

1). As I recently realized a couple of years ago with stretching after my runs... If I'm going to do it, I need to make it count. If I'm not going to really stretch then why spend the time. Same with dating, don't just date, date with real intent to marry the person you are asking out. It doesn't mean you artificially limit the field to those who you think you would want to marry, but each date should be pursued with real intent for a candidate marriage. (Moroni 10:3,4)

2). Along the real intent, if it isn't clicking then move on to the next prospect. I don't think this means you don't try to work things out and that it will always be easy, but once you realize he/she isn't one you want to marry, then take what you've learned and move on to the next. Kind of like on the mission, you gotta cut loose those eternal investigators.

3). How many are waiting on the road to Damascus waiting for the perfect sign, perfect someone, etc. You just gotta keep moving on and it may not be "the sign", but small impressions here and there will lead to one who will be compatible.

4) Choose through the Spirit - not a sign, but a confirmation that one can be compatible and that you will be able to support each other in all you do.

5) Be the type of person that you want to marry. If you want someone who is healthy, you need to be healthy. If you want someone who isn't living in their parents basement, then make sure you aren't living in your parent's basement. Birds of a feather flock together, or perhaps more doctrinally put, light cleaveth unto light. As I tell the YM in the stake, the type of girl you will want to marry is going to want to marry a return missionary and valiant priesthood holder, so you better make sure you qualify yourself.

Well, for what it's worth those are my thoughts. Good luck in putting together your presentation. Better is that some get married from it and Best is that you get married, too.