Checklist of Useful Questions to Consider if You're Considering Marrying Someone

A Checklist of Questions to Consider from the relationship book "First Comes Love"

10 Keys to relationship success
1. Religion
2. Integrity / Honesty
3. Communication
4. Role Preferences
5. Family / Friends
6. Resolving conflicts
7. Financial management
8. Physical intimacy / children
9. Personality / Interests
10. Goals

Warning signs
1. A feeling of being hemmed in
2. A feeling of being obligated
3. Communication being strained
4. Inappropriate or excessive physical involvement
5. Increased conflict in relationship
6. Dishonesty in the relationship
7. A feeling that our needs are not being met

First comes Love checklists
Questions to consider:
• Are we better people when we are with each other? Do we bring out the best in each other? In what ways? How do we want to be better for each other?
• Do either of us want to date anyone else? In what ways are we committed to each other?
• In what ways to do we enjoy being with each other? Are our motivations healthy and nonphysical in nature? What types of activities do we enjoy doing together?
• In what ways are my partner’s needs as important as my own?
• Are we both free to be ourselves, or as a couple are we guarded with our conversations, sense of humor, behavior, etc.
• Am I prepared to marry the family of my prospective mate? Although you may think you are only marrying one person, you are indeed marrying the entire family. The parents of your partner will become the grandparents of your children.
• How do I presently treat my own parents and family members? What about my prospective spouse? How you treat family now is a good indicator of how you will treat your future spouse and children.
• How do we feel about each of us being the parent of our children? Will we both be the kind of mother or father that children will respect and follow?
• Does each of us accept the basic assumptions of the patriarchal order? Is he the type of priesthood holder you can trust? Will she counsel with you in righteousness? Will he love you as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it? Can we make decisions together?
• What will our destiny be as a couple? Will we set goals together and plan for the future? Do any of our goals clash? Can we see ourselves as companions twenty years down the road with a number of children?
• Do we feel that the Lord has confirmed our decision to marry? IN what ways?
• How have we prepared ourselves to receive an answer from the Spirit?
Red Flags
• Have extreme views on politics, gospel topics, religion, family, or world affairs?
• Encourage me to develop my own talents and skills, or do they want to keep me hidden in a closet away from the rest of the world?
• Allow me private time? Are they possessive in wanting to be with me all day, all the time, or do they encourage me to have my own interests, and my own life too?
• Allow me to spend time with my friends and family members, or are the jealous of that time? Do they like my friends? Are they threatened by my spending time with others?
• Compare me to past boyfriends or girlfriends?
• Take an interest in other people? Is he or she selfish? Does the world seem to revolve around them?
• Find fault with Church policies, leaders, or programs? Are they often critical or negative about the requirements of the gospel way of life? Is obedience to gospel principles an important priority in their life?
• Complain about spending time with my family? When they are with my family, do they enjoy that time building relationships with my family members, or do they hide in the corner watching TV or continually look at their watch? How do they relate to their own family members? Is there a good spirit in their home? Is everyone friendly with each others? People who come from dysfunctional families may have difficulties in their own families later on.
• Enjoy work, or do they complain about colleagues and supervisors? What about such character traits as honestly, morality, humility, or meekness?
• Critical of my appearance? Do they tell me that I need to lift weights, go jogging, or join a health club to lose some extra pounds? Do they make light of my weight or other bodily characteristics?
• Verbally, physically, or emotionally abuse me? Do they tear me down, and then try to recover a few days later as Mr. Nice Guy, promising me that their outburst will never happen again?
• Need to make major spiritual or emotional changes? Do they promise that these changes will occur after I marry them?
• Have a stable history of work, jobs, school, and missions? Are they responsible for their actions or is someone else always to blame?
• Have the same goals, dreams, and aspirations s I do?
• Have a sports addiction and I don't? Do they spend an excessive amount of time on the computer or the Internet?

Being the right person / areas to consider in compatibility:
• Intellect:
o College or equivalent training
o Plans for graduate studies
o Reading of uplifting material
o Study habits
o Grades attained
o Political views
o Language use / skills
o Continuing education

• Physical
o Appearance
o Sleep habits
o Balanced meals
o WofW
o Regular exercise
o Weight management
o Sports participation

• Emotional / Mental
o Attitudes and moods
o Emotional stability
o Self-motivation
o Personality traits
o Dependability
o Sense of humor
o Task completion
o Honesty
o Sensitivity to feelings of others
o Depression / anxiety
o Feelings of self-worth

• Spirituality
o Strength of testimony
o Patterns of prayer
o Scripture study
o Sabbath
o Tithing
o Service
o Attendance at church services
o Successful missionary service (male)
o Temple attendance
o Morality
o Obedience to laws
o Commitments to covenants and ordinances
o Magnification of callings

• Social Abilities
o Friendliness / outgoing qualities
o People skills
o Kindness / charity
o TV habits
o Music habits
o Video habits
o Manners
o Share interests
o Leadership skills
o Desire to be an effective parent
o Money management
o Family background
o current events awareness
o Care of possessions
o Attitude about wealth / possession