Many people have asked why I've created this website. The short answer is I really needed it! Some time ago I was seriously considering marrying a girl who wanted to marry me, and I was very uncertain about how to make that decision. I knew we loved each other, and that our relationship had many strengths, but it also had many weaknesses and I didn't know how to decide if this relationship was "good enough" to quit looking for a better one or not.
I spent a great deal of time looking for sound counsel on this topic (surely such an important topic would have many good sources) but found very little helpful counsel, and the helpful counsel I did find wasn't consolidated anywhere. Over the last few years I've found many more good sources and wanted to make them available all in one place to others. And I've found counsel helpful to singles in other situations that I've also added. I hope this website is helpful to you, and I hope if you have any input you'll leave some comments!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Should I marry this person? How do I know?
One of the toughest decisions in life can be choosing whom to marry. While in serious relationships I've struggled and wrestled many hours with this question, and this blog is a collection of the best advice I've found on this topic. I hope it's as helpful to you as it has been to me!
Quote #1 (President Gordon B. Hinckley):
"Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty. Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. Make it work. Resolve to make it work. There is far too much of divorce, wherein hearts are broken and sometimes lives are destroyed. Be fiercely loyal one to another." (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, Feb. 1999, 2)
I used to not be very impressed by that quote - who would marry someone they couldn't give their entire heart, love, allegiance, and loyalty to? These conditions seemed necessary but not sufficient. With more age (and hopefully more wisdom) I've realized that for most of us there will be very few - perhaps only one or two - relationships that meet this test, and if a relationship meets this test it's time to move forward with marriage. I think that's what Pres. Hinckley was trying to communicate in the last sentence of this next quote that is very similar:
"I hope you will not put off marriage too long. I do not speak so much to the young women as to the young men whose prerogative and responsibility it is to take the lead in this matter. Don’t go on endlessly in a frivolous dating game. Look for a choice companion, one you can love, honor, and respect, and make a decision."
Quote #2 (Elder Richard G. Scott):
"There is more to a foundation of eternal marriage than a pretty face or an attractive figure. There is more to consider than popularity or charisma. As you seek an eternal companion, look for someone who is developing the essential attributes that bring happiness: a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home. An essential priority of a prospective wife is the desire to be a wife and mother. She should be developing the sacred qualities that God has given His daughters to excel as a wife and mother: patience, kindliness, a love of children, and a desire to care for them rather than seeking professional pursuits. She should be acquiring a good education to prepare for the demands of motherhood.
A prospective husband should also honor his priesthood and use it in service to others. Seek a man who accepts his role as provider of the necessities of life, has the capacity to do it, and is making concerted efforts to prepare himself to fulfill those responsibilities.
I suggest that you not ignore many possible candidates who are still developing these attributes, seeking the one who is perfected in them. You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you. These attributes are best polished together as husband and wife."
Quote #3: Family Proclamation
"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."
Quote #4: (Elder Dallin H. Oaks)
"In conclusion, I speak briefly to those contemplating marriage. The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through "hanging out" or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse's behavior in a variety of circumstances. Fiancés should learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be joined in marriage. In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection."
Quote #5 (John Bytheway):
John has spoken about the questions his Stake President asked John when John was seeking advice on whether he ought to marry the girl that became his bride. The questions were (no doubt there is some paraphrasing):
Is she a good person? And her family?
Are you happy together?
Does she have major emotional baggage?
Quote #6 (Elder Richard L. Evans or the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)
"Don’t let this choice [of a marriage partner] ever be made except with earnest, searching, prayerful consideration, confiding in parents, [and] in faithful, mature, trustworthy friends." Loving parents who genuinely want the best for us, and "faithful, mature, trustworthy friends," can often act as a sounding board and counsel us on how best to proceed."
I believe too often in relationships we try to make the decision ourselves, without confiding adequately in trusted friends and family. Often this comes from an appropriate desire to keep many aspects of your relationship between you and your significant other. However, if you fail to confide in your friends and family you'll end up alone in making the decision, and that carries at least as many risks as choosing to confide sensitive things does.
Quote #7 (Dr. Brenley):
Is this person your best friend? Would you honestly rather be with them than anyone else, including long-standing friends of either gender? Does your prospective mate inspire you to be your best self?
Quote #8 (President Spencer W. Kimball)
"If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each toher more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have great happiness"
Quote #9 (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland):
"Yes, there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. You can find an apartment. You can win over your mother-in-law. You can sell your harmonica and therein fund one more meal. It’s been done before. Don’t give in. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. He wants everyone like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. Cast not away therefore your confidence. Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you. [1999 – "Cast not away therefore your confidence"]
Quote #10 (President Ezra Taft Benson)
"Now, brethren, do not expect perfection in yourchoice of a mate. Do not be so particular that you overlook her most important qualities of having a strongtestimony, living the principles of the gospel, lovinghome, wanting to be a mother in Zion, and supportingyou in your priesthood responsibilities."Of course, she should be attractive to you, but do not just date one girl after another for the sole pleasureof dating without seeking the Lord’s confirmation inyour choice of your eternal companion."And one good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire toyour finest deeds, do you wish you were better thanyou are?" (in Conference Report, Apr. 1988, 58–59; orEnsign, May 1988, 51–53)
My thoughts:
One great test for me is to imagine her with someone else - how does that make you feel? I've never gone wrong with that test.
You can also look at the checklists that are posted elsewhere in this site, most of which come from 2 good books (First comes love and 300 questions)
Another great resource are two excellent talks: One by S. Michael Wilcox entitled "How Will I Know" and John Bytheway's "What I Wish I Had Known When I Was a Young Single Adult"
Two good questions Bro. Wilcox asks are: "Are you in love with a person, or a feeling?" and "Are your concerns specific ones of just general concern and hesitancy? The Lord deals in specifics in most cases."
The LDS Church manuals on Marriage and Family Relations are also good resources for information on how to make the decision.
A couple more bits of advice from me: Try hard not to put artificial timelines on making the decision like getting married by the end of the year or getting engaged before a long trip; you can't go on forever but trying to force it just doesn't work
If you've been undecided for many months consider seeing a counselor. I know that carries some taboos in our culture ("I don't need to see some shrink, I'm perfectly normal") but the reality is often an experienced relationship therapist can help you identify what you're feeling and why you're feeling it, and what things are keeping you from moving forward. Sometimes in a relationship you're blinded by love and struggle to see the forest for the trees, and a trusted friend or a therapist can help your vision clear.
Another question I often asked myself is if I might be happier with someone else? Fair question. I also have to remind myself of the follow up question - what makes someone happy? True happiness is who you've become not where you are or who you are. So the happiest combination in marriage is two people who are as Christ-like as can be and are as committed as possible to becoming as Christ-like as they can be. Of course you need that magical personality chemistry as well, but in terms of attributes that is the key one.
Quote #1 (President Gordon B. Hinckley):
"Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty. Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. Make it work. Resolve to make it work. There is far too much of divorce, wherein hearts are broken and sometimes lives are destroyed. Be fiercely loyal one to another." (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, Feb. 1999, 2)
I used to not be very impressed by that quote - who would marry someone they couldn't give their entire heart, love, allegiance, and loyalty to? These conditions seemed necessary but not sufficient. With more age (and hopefully more wisdom) I've realized that for most of us there will be very few - perhaps only one or two - relationships that meet this test, and if a relationship meets this test it's time to move forward with marriage. I think that's what Pres. Hinckley was trying to communicate in the last sentence of this next quote that is very similar:
"I hope you will not put off marriage too long. I do not speak so much to the young women as to the young men whose prerogative and responsibility it is to take the lead in this matter. Don’t go on endlessly in a frivolous dating game. Look for a choice companion, one you can love, honor, and respect, and make a decision."
Quote #2 (Elder Richard G. Scott):
"There is more to a foundation of eternal marriage than a pretty face or an attractive figure. There is more to consider than popularity or charisma. As you seek an eternal companion, look for someone who is developing the essential attributes that bring happiness: a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home. An essential priority of a prospective wife is the desire to be a wife and mother. She should be developing the sacred qualities that God has given His daughters to excel as a wife and mother: patience, kindliness, a love of children, and a desire to care for them rather than seeking professional pursuits. She should be acquiring a good education to prepare for the demands of motherhood.
A prospective husband should also honor his priesthood and use it in service to others. Seek a man who accepts his role as provider of the necessities of life, has the capacity to do it, and is making concerted efforts to prepare himself to fulfill those responsibilities.
I suggest that you not ignore many possible candidates who are still developing these attributes, seeking the one who is perfected in them. You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you. These attributes are best polished together as husband and wife."
Quote #3: Family Proclamation
"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."
Quote #4: (Elder Dallin H. Oaks)
"In conclusion, I speak briefly to those contemplating marriage. The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through "hanging out" or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse's behavior in a variety of circumstances. Fiancés should learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be joined in marriage. In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection."
Quote #5 (John Bytheway):
John has spoken about the questions his Stake President asked John when John was seeking advice on whether he ought to marry the girl that became his bride. The questions were (no doubt there is some paraphrasing):
Is she a good person? And her family?
Are you happy together?
Does she have major emotional baggage?
Quote #6 (Elder Richard L. Evans or the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)
"Don’t let this choice [of a marriage partner] ever be made except with earnest, searching, prayerful consideration, confiding in parents, [and] in faithful, mature, trustworthy friends." Loving parents who genuinely want the best for us, and "faithful, mature, trustworthy friends," can often act as a sounding board and counsel us on how best to proceed."
I believe too often in relationships we try to make the decision ourselves, without confiding adequately in trusted friends and family. Often this comes from an appropriate desire to keep many aspects of your relationship between you and your significant other. However, if you fail to confide in your friends and family you'll end up alone in making the decision, and that carries at least as many risks as choosing to confide sensitive things does.
Quote #7 (Dr. Brenley):
Is this person your best friend? Would you honestly rather be with them than anyone else, including long-standing friends of either gender? Does your prospective mate inspire you to be your best self?
Quote #8 (President Spencer W. Kimball)
"If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each toher more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have great happiness"
Quote #9 (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland):
"Yes, there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. You can find an apartment. You can win over your mother-in-law. You can sell your harmonica and therein fund one more meal. It’s been done before. Don’t give in. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. He wants everyone like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. Cast not away therefore your confidence. Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you. [1999 – "Cast not away therefore your confidence"]
Quote #10 (President Ezra Taft Benson)
"Now, brethren, do not expect perfection in yourchoice of a mate. Do not be so particular that you overlook her most important qualities of having a strongtestimony, living the principles of the gospel, lovinghome, wanting to be a mother in Zion, and supportingyou in your priesthood responsibilities."Of course, she should be attractive to you, but do not just date one girl after another for the sole pleasureof dating without seeking the Lord’s confirmation inyour choice of your eternal companion."And one good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire toyour finest deeds, do you wish you were better thanyou are?" (in Conference Report, Apr. 1988, 58–59; orEnsign, May 1988, 51–53)
My thoughts:
One great test for me is to imagine her with someone else - how does that make you feel? I've never gone wrong with that test.
You can also look at the checklists that are posted elsewhere in this site, most of which come from 2 good books (First comes love and 300 questions)
Another great resource are two excellent talks: One by S. Michael Wilcox entitled "How Will I Know" and John Bytheway's "What I Wish I Had Known When I Was a Young Single Adult"
Two good questions Bro. Wilcox asks are: "Are you in love with a person, or a feeling?" and "Are your concerns specific ones of just general concern and hesitancy? The Lord deals in specifics in most cases."
The LDS Church manuals on Marriage and Family Relations are also good resources for information on how to make the decision.
A couple more bits of advice from me: Try hard not to put artificial timelines on making the decision like getting married by the end of the year or getting engaged before a long trip; you can't go on forever but trying to force it just doesn't work
If you've been undecided for many months consider seeing a counselor. I know that carries some taboos in our culture ("I don't need to see some shrink, I'm perfectly normal") but the reality is often an experienced relationship therapist can help you identify what you're feeling and why you're feeling it, and what things are keeping you from moving forward. Sometimes in a relationship you're blinded by love and struggle to see the forest for the trees, and a trusted friend or a therapist can help your vision clear.
Another question I often asked myself is if I might be happier with someone else? Fair question. I also have to remind myself of the follow up question - what makes someone happy? True happiness is who you've become not where you are or who you are. So the happiest combination in marriage is two people who are as Christ-like as can be and are as committed as possible to becoming as Christ-like as they can be. Of course you need that magical personality chemistry as well, but in terms of attributes that is the key one.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Checklist of Useful Questions to Consider if You're Considering Marrying Someone
A Checklist of Questions to Consider from the relationship book "First Comes Love"
10 Keys to relationship success
1. Religion
2. Integrity / Honesty
3. Communication
4. Role Preferences
5. Family / Friends
6. Resolving conflicts
7. Financial management
8. Physical intimacy / children
9. Personality / Interests
10. Goals
Warning signs
1. A feeling of being hemmed in
2. A feeling of being obligated
3. Communication being strained
4. Inappropriate or excessive physical involvement
5. Increased conflict in relationship
6. Dishonesty in the relationship
7. A feeling that our needs are not being met
First comes Love checklists
Questions to consider:
• Are we better people when we are with each other? Do we bring out the best in each other? In what ways? How do we want to be better for each other?
• Do either of us want to date anyone else? In what ways are we committed to each other?
• In what ways to do we enjoy being with each other? Are our motivations healthy and nonphysical in nature? What types of activities do we enjoy doing together?
• In what ways are my partner’s needs as important as my own?
• Are we both free to be ourselves, or as a couple are we guarded with our conversations, sense of humor, behavior, etc.
• Am I prepared to marry the family of my prospective mate? Although you may think you are only marrying one person, you are indeed marrying the entire family. The parents of your partner will become the grandparents of your children.
• How do I presently treat my own parents and family members? What about my prospective spouse? How you treat family now is a good indicator of how you will treat your future spouse and children.
• How do we feel about each of us being the parent of our children? Will we both be the kind of mother or father that children will respect and follow?
• Does each of us accept the basic assumptions of the patriarchal order? Is he the type of priesthood holder you can trust? Will she counsel with you in righteousness? Will he love you as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it? Can we make decisions together?
• What will our destiny be as a couple? Will we set goals together and plan for the future? Do any of our goals clash? Can we see ourselves as companions twenty years down the road with a number of children?
• Do we feel that the Lord has confirmed our decision to marry? IN what ways?
• How have we prepared ourselves to receive an answer from the Spirit?
Red Flags
• Have extreme views on politics, gospel topics, religion, family, or world affairs?
• Encourage me to develop my own talents and skills, or do they want to keep me hidden in a closet away from the rest of the world?
• Allow me private time? Are they possessive in wanting to be with me all day, all the time, or do they encourage me to have my own interests, and my own life too?
• Allow me to spend time with my friends and family members, or are the jealous of that time? Do they like my friends? Are they threatened by my spending time with others?
• Compare me to past boyfriends or girlfriends?
• Take an interest in other people? Is he or she selfish? Does the world seem to revolve around them?
• Find fault with Church policies, leaders, or programs? Are they often critical or negative about the requirements of the gospel way of life? Is obedience to gospel principles an important priority in their life?
• Complain about spending time with my family? When they are with my family, do they enjoy that time building relationships with my family members, or do they hide in the corner watching TV or continually look at their watch? How do they relate to their own family members? Is there a good spirit in their home? Is everyone friendly with each others? People who come from dysfunctional families may have difficulties in their own families later on.
• Enjoy work, or do they complain about colleagues and supervisors? What about such character traits as honestly, morality, humility, or meekness?
• Critical of my appearance? Do they tell me that I need to lift weights, go jogging, or join a health club to lose some extra pounds? Do they make light of my weight or other bodily characteristics?
• Verbally, physically, or emotionally abuse me? Do they tear me down, and then try to recover a few days later as Mr. Nice Guy, promising me that their outburst will never happen again?
• Need to make major spiritual or emotional changes? Do they promise that these changes will occur after I marry them?
• Have a stable history of work, jobs, school, and missions? Are they responsible for their actions or is someone else always to blame?
• Have the same goals, dreams, and aspirations s I do?
• Have a sports addiction and I don't? Do they spend an excessive amount of time on the computer or the Internet?
Being the right person / areas to consider in compatibility:
• Intellect:
o College or equivalent training
o Plans for graduate studies
o Reading of uplifting material
o Study habits
o Grades attained
o Political views
o Language use / skills
o Continuing education
• Physical
o Appearance
o Sleep habits
o Balanced meals
o WofW
o Regular exercise
o Weight management
o Sports participation
• Emotional / Mental
o Attitudes and moods
o Emotional stability
o Self-motivation
o Personality traits
o Dependability
o Sense of humor
o Task completion
o Honesty
o Sensitivity to feelings of others
o Depression / anxiety
o Feelings of self-worth
• Spirituality
o Strength of testimony
o Patterns of prayer
o Scripture study
o Sabbath
o Tithing
o Service
o Attendance at church services
o Successful missionary service (male)
o Temple attendance
o Morality
o Obedience to laws
o Commitments to covenants and ordinances
o Magnification of callings
• Social Abilities
o Friendliness / outgoing qualities
o People skills
o Kindness / charity
o TV habits
o Music habits
o Video habits
o Manners
o Share interests
o Leadership skills
o Desire to be an effective parent
o Money management
o Family background
o current events awareness
o Care of possessions
o Attitude about wealth / possession
10 Keys to relationship success
1. Religion
2. Integrity / Honesty
3. Communication
4. Role Preferences
5. Family / Friends
6. Resolving conflicts
7. Financial management
8. Physical intimacy / children
9. Personality / Interests
10. Goals
Warning signs
1. A feeling of being hemmed in
2. A feeling of being obligated
3. Communication being strained
4. Inappropriate or excessive physical involvement
5. Increased conflict in relationship
6. Dishonesty in the relationship
7. A feeling that our needs are not being met
First comes Love checklists
Questions to consider:
• Are we better people when we are with each other? Do we bring out the best in each other? In what ways? How do we want to be better for each other?
• Do either of us want to date anyone else? In what ways are we committed to each other?
• In what ways to do we enjoy being with each other? Are our motivations healthy and nonphysical in nature? What types of activities do we enjoy doing together?
• In what ways are my partner’s needs as important as my own?
• Are we both free to be ourselves, or as a couple are we guarded with our conversations, sense of humor, behavior, etc.
• Am I prepared to marry the family of my prospective mate? Although you may think you are only marrying one person, you are indeed marrying the entire family. The parents of your partner will become the grandparents of your children.
• How do I presently treat my own parents and family members? What about my prospective spouse? How you treat family now is a good indicator of how you will treat your future spouse and children.
• How do we feel about each of us being the parent of our children? Will we both be the kind of mother or father that children will respect and follow?
• Does each of us accept the basic assumptions of the patriarchal order? Is he the type of priesthood holder you can trust? Will she counsel with you in righteousness? Will he love you as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it? Can we make decisions together?
• What will our destiny be as a couple? Will we set goals together and plan for the future? Do any of our goals clash? Can we see ourselves as companions twenty years down the road with a number of children?
• Do we feel that the Lord has confirmed our decision to marry? IN what ways?
• How have we prepared ourselves to receive an answer from the Spirit?
Red Flags
• Have extreme views on politics, gospel topics, religion, family, or world affairs?
• Encourage me to develop my own talents and skills, or do they want to keep me hidden in a closet away from the rest of the world?
• Allow me private time? Are they possessive in wanting to be with me all day, all the time, or do they encourage me to have my own interests, and my own life too?
• Allow me to spend time with my friends and family members, or are the jealous of that time? Do they like my friends? Are they threatened by my spending time with others?
• Compare me to past boyfriends or girlfriends?
• Take an interest in other people? Is he or she selfish? Does the world seem to revolve around them?
• Find fault with Church policies, leaders, or programs? Are they often critical or negative about the requirements of the gospel way of life? Is obedience to gospel principles an important priority in their life?
• Complain about spending time with my family? When they are with my family, do they enjoy that time building relationships with my family members, or do they hide in the corner watching TV or continually look at their watch? How do they relate to their own family members? Is there a good spirit in their home? Is everyone friendly with each others? People who come from dysfunctional families may have difficulties in their own families later on.
• Enjoy work, or do they complain about colleagues and supervisors? What about such character traits as honestly, morality, humility, or meekness?
• Critical of my appearance? Do they tell me that I need to lift weights, go jogging, or join a health club to lose some extra pounds? Do they make light of my weight or other bodily characteristics?
• Verbally, physically, or emotionally abuse me? Do they tear me down, and then try to recover a few days later as Mr. Nice Guy, promising me that their outburst will never happen again?
• Need to make major spiritual or emotional changes? Do they promise that these changes will occur after I marry them?
• Have a stable history of work, jobs, school, and missions? Are they responsible for their actions or is someone else always to blame?
• Have the same goals, dreams, and aspirations s I do?
• Have a sports addiction and I don't? Do they spend an excessive amount of time on the computer or the Internet?
Being the right person / areas to consider in compatibility:
• Intellect:
o College or equivalent training
o Plans for graduate studies
o Reading of uplifting material
o Study habits
o Grades attained
o Political views
o Language use / skills
o Continuing education
• Physical
o Appearance
o Sleep habits
o Balanced meals
o WofW
o Regular exercise
o Weight management
o Sports participation
• Emotional / Mental
o Attitudes and moods
o Emotional stability
o Self-motivation
o Personality traits
o Dependability
o Sense of humor
o Task completion
o Honesty
o Sensitivity to feelings of others
o Depression / anxiety
o Feelings of self-worth
• Spirituality
o Strength of testimony
o Patterns of prayer
o Scripture study
o Sabbath
o Tithing
o Service
o Attendance at church services
o Successful missionary service (male)
o Temple attendance
o Morality
o Obedience to laws
o Commitments to covenants and ordinances
o Magnification of callings
• Social Abilities
o Friendliness / outgoing qualities
o People skills
o Kindness / charity
o TV habits
o Music habits
o Video habits
o Manners
o Share interests
o Leadership skills
o Desire to be an effective parent
o Money management
o Family background
o current events awareness
o Care of possessions
o Attitude about wealth / possession
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Best Sources for Relationship Advice
Gospel and Romantic Love
Elder Scott's talk
Thomas B. Holman, Ensign 2002 September, Choosing and Being the Right Spouse
What I wish I had known as a young single adult
Both Church family manuals
My relationship books (First comes Love, How do I Know I'm in Love, 300 Questions)
Elder Scott's talk
Thomas B. Holman, Ensign 2002 September, Choosing and Being the Right Spouse
What I wish I had known as a young single adult
Both Church family manuals
My relationship books (First comes Love, How do I Know I'm in Love, 300 Questions)
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