Humor - The Police Officer (from Janie)

Thanks to Janie for this one!

For a laugh... JP A police officer pulls over a speeding car on the 401. The officer says, "I clocked you at 140 kilometers per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear,you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit,woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT YOUR BIG FAT MOUTH??"The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"I love this part....

"Only when he's been drinking."

Marriage Humor - thanks Elisa!

Top Ten Ways General Authorities Eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Ok this has nothing to do with relationship but I sure thought it was entertaining:

Top Ten Ways General Authorities Eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

10. Paul H. Dunn: " I remember back in WWII that I ate a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Back then, they were big enough to live on for a week. Being the only soldier to have survived the battle in my brigade, I really didn't know if I could eat it or not, but I remember my fallen buddy's words as he died in my arms: "Paul, if you just take one bite at a time you can tackle anything." So I took that giant cup and, breaking it with the bat Babe Ruth gave me after I struck him out with two outs in the bottom of the ninth in the seventh game of the World Series, proceeded to wolf down the tiny morsels."

9. David B. Haight: "Imagine 70 years ago on a rough road between Idaho and Logan. There were no Circle K's, no 7-11's. You had to bring your Peanut Butter Cups with you. Ruby and I split one for the first time in1937 . .

"8. Dallin H. Oaks: "The Reese's Peanut Butter Cup challenges us to consume. From the beginning there have been three steps in eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. First, remove the wrapper. This is best donequickly, by turning the cup over, grasping the outer fold and pulling away from the bottom. Second . . "

7. Joseph B. Wirthlin: "When I was young I would sprint to the corner store, buy a Reese's and run my hand through my hair before taking it down in one bite. These days I don't sprint, and I have no hair, but the peanut butter cup remains."

6. Richard G. Scott: "If you have not eaten a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, I plead with you. Eat one now. Enjoy the chocolate, the peanut butter. Do not delay. If you have thought, "That's not for me," I plead with you to reconsider. Of all foods I treasure, this one was the first."

5. M. Russell Ballard: "The time has come when members of the church need to reach out to our friends and share a cup, a peanut butter cup. It is not enough to raise a chocolate bar; it must now have peanut butter."

4. Thomas S. Monson: "I remember I ate my first Reese's Peanut Butter Cup when I was a tender lad of eight. My mother came up to me, and with a loving look in her eye, asked, 'Tommy, are you eating a Reese's?' And I would invariably smile up to her, 'Yes, Yes, I am.' 'But Tommy, did you know that Sister Jensen next door hasn't eaten a Reese's Cup in years?' My young mind thought upon the plight of my neighbor. Tears were shed. Hearts were gladdened. A cup was shared."

3. Boyd K. Packer: "In all my years, I have always eaten my Reese's Peanut Butter Cups the same way -- the established and authorized way we have been instructed to eat them. There is a great evil in this world - those who believe they can eat their cups in a way inconsistent with the time-honored manner. We must be true and faithful and eat our Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in the customary and recognized approach as it has been established."

2. Neal A. Maxwell: "I intentionally initiate the delicious design of deglutition of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup by nibbling a negligible bit of the culinary creamy cavalcade. It is exclusively through small entities that the great things are fabricated."

1. J. Golden Kimball: "Hell, Heber, I'll eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup any damned way I want!"